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Fuck Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day can bring out the sadness for many, one lonely lesbian in particular

  It was a dark and dreary February night as I drove home, fitting my mood. It was Valentine's Day, my least favorite day of the year. A day championed by Hallmark to peddle overpriced, sappy cards to the gullible masses in order to line their greedy corp...

There's No Crying in Hockey

A 'goon' on a women ice hockey team is stunned by a very unexpected visitor to the locker room

My dad regretted not having a son. He denies it of course but I could tell by how he pushed athletics on me at a young age. He even bought me a jock strap for my fourth birthday which confused us both. I grew up in Rabbit Ridge KY so began my fabled sport...

Death of the Everready Bunny

Dead batteries at most inopportune time leads to supermarket shenanigans

Greetings from checkout #5 at my local supermarket. A more frenzied woman you will never meet. What began as simply checking an email led me here, dressed like a Goodwill Store supermodel in cutoff jeans and a Bengals tee. My plan was to get in then flee...

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The Purloined Pussy

A Game of "Escape the Room" turns tragic

I'm  Piper Cinnabon, (name changed to protect the innocent). It was a cold and dreary morning walking the cold and dreary New York streets with my girlfriend, Cynthia, a bewitching, African-American woman with the complexion of hot chocolate (she was equa...

The Ghost And Ms. Chicken

A romantic retreat is ruined by a haunted campground.

I'm Penelope Spade, budding Private Eye. Beside me, in my blue Mini Cooper as we cruise up Highway 71, sits Katrina, my tall, blonde lover, her shorts accentuating her long, sensual gams. I met her on my first caper, six months ago. But time is taking its...

Winter is Cumming part 2

I take my new gf on a day of shopping, burgers and aging hair bands

As the bright, invasive afternoon sunlight came streaming through my stained (with dust and dirt) glass window, I found myself spooning (and possibly forking) with my new dream girl, Winter Summer, whom I had met earlier at the Public Market. Rubbing my a...